das wandern

let me continue in peace, and (stop) wander(ing)!

with 8 comments

these days make me forget what’s important. make me
forget who i am.
[this thing they call real life is trying, you know.]

because there is a me buried
beneath my life. i keep getting lost in this season. in these minutes
and hours and days.  i can’t find myself beneath all the

and presentations and photo
assignments and classes and errands and bills and production nights and
room checks
and hebrew tests and piles of laundry and interviews and groceries and emails and philosophy.]

but all of this isn’t me.  me is buried somwhere under this
existence: screaming, struggling to get out. but it seems every time i fight my way to the surface, i’m
pushed back down again. so i’m scared, you see. scared i’ll never learn to live.
scared i’ll spend my entire existence-i-call-life just fighting for the next breath.

i am alive, you know.
and sometimes i remember:
              i’m more than
what i want to be;
more than who i’m trying to be, even.

but then again, maybe i’m not.
or maybe i’m not even what matters.

maybe it’s not me thats buried under this existence;
maybe it’s him.

maybe it’s him that gets lost in this excuse for a life.


Written by knsayres

March 13, 2005 at 10:57 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

8 Responses

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  1. You’ll get through. I promise. Just remember that you have friends who love you, and will do whatever they can to help you, but more important than that, you have a God who loves you and is in complete control of everything, all the time.


    March 13, 2005 at 11:18 pm

  2. excuse for a life? sounds like a fun life to me…. don’t worry so much about all that you have to do that you forget to soak up everything that is happening…profit can come from perseverance and God’s provision


    March 14, 2005 at 3:28 am

  3. i shall pour you an ice cold glass of root beer and you can pretend to be the ice cream floating in it and all your troubles will become like the bubbles popping into nothing all around you 


    March 14, 2005 at 11:27 am

  4. To be what we are, and to become what we are capable of becoming, is the only end of life.
    — Robert Louis Stevenson, “Of Men and Books,” 1882


    March 14, 2005 at 12:14 pm

  5. …of covenant mercy I singnever done that before, so i figured I should.


    March 14, 2005 at 2:52 pm

  6. of course you didnt try to comfort me. obviously you’re not that nice. but on the other hand you didnt try to kick my face in either…… yet.


    March 14, 2005 at 4:11 pm

  7. lots of stuff going on this week… yep.


    March 14, 2005 at 9:50 pm

  8. likewise good to meet you. AND (!!!) this morning I was at the library and there was a little girl who looked ENTIRELY how I would have expected you to look when you were four years old (I know I’m out on a limb saying this, of course, having not really seen many pictures of you and only having met you once). but seriously, she was a preschool-age version of you. crazy weird. and of course this was the only day I didn’t have my camera with me, so I have no evidence of meeting the four year old Kristen. darn the luck.


    March 16, 2005 at 4:18 pm

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